With February 14th right around the corner, it’s not uncommon for marriage to be on the mind of a lot of couples.  According to The Huffington Post, approximately six million couples are likely to get engaged on Valentine’s Day.  Once the question is popped, the tears are shed, families are called, and relationship statuses are updated, it’s time to start the planning.  Aside from locking in your favorite wedding band, you’re going to have an incredibly hectic time navigating the overwhelming wedding industry.  Since it’s easy to get caught up in all of the flashiness of Valentines Day along with planning your upcoming wedding, we thought it would be nice to compile some of the best answers we found from people offering pearls of wisdom from their years of marriage.  Enjoy!

What are some words of wisdom you would give to newlyweds?

Learn how to communicate with each other – don’t just shout each other down during an argument. No matter how close and “in tune” you are with each other, talk plainly. Don’t expect the other one can read your mind. Be honest, and don’t be cruel – you’ll want to hurt each other when you’re angry and that’s not fair. Don’t do that. Calm down, figure out why you’re upset and come from a place where you can explain that without bringing up past grievances or hurt feelings.

Treat your spouse better than you treat strangers. We have had friends who were polite to service people and distant acquaintances, but skipped the manners with their spouse. They’re all divorced or no longer together. Please and thanks you and showing appreciation goes a long way. If your spouse is the most important person in your life, treat them that way. All those little shows of respect and caring add up over the months and years. 27 years after our wedding, we say thank you and please and I’m sorry a dozen times a day. He’s still my best friend and sweetest baboo.

Don’t make fun of each other or run each other down in public.  This really is something that we decided to do for each other when we first married 19 years ago. One of us even said, “We will EDIFY each other, not tear each other down.” It’s served us well, and now and then someone will compliment our marriage.

Never look for fair or equal in a marriage. If you’re keeping tally, you’ll always count your contributions and miss some of theirs. Instead, try to make it unfair in their favor.
And if you haven’t read that whole “Love Languages” thing, give it a quick skim.

Always give your partner the benefit of the doubt. When they say or do something that you have a knee-jerk, negative reaction to, take a moment to remember that you married them because they are a good person, who loves you. Would a good person, who loves you, purposefully choose to do something solely to hurt or offend you? Hopefully, the answer is no. I’ve avoided about a billion little fights that could have turned big simply by taking a moment to give my partner the benefit of the doubt, and following it up by checking in. “Hey, when you said, ‘BLANK’, what did you mean? I’m not sure I got what you were going for”, or something like that. Ninety nine percent of the time, there was no ill intent on my partner’ part, but if I’d reacted immediately with my knee-jerk hurt/anger, a non-issue would have ended up in a pointless, painful fight.

Try to “out serve” one another. You’re on the same team.

Remember that you married your best friend. Now treat your best friend the way a best friend should be treated every single day.

Make a video, talk to your future selves, tell them how you feel right now. We did this (on VHS lol) and it’s saved our marriage like 4 times. It’s easy to forget as you move along through life and change. Remind your future selves, they’ll listen to you.

You can go to bed angry and still make it known that you love the other person. A little touch, whispering “Good night, still love you” relieves some of the tension and makes it easier to sleep. You don’t have to figure out the issue that second, but you also don’t have to stew all night.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard work. It takes time, effort, energy and the desire to stay in love. Despite everything that we are told through songs, movies, poems, ect… Love is not all you need. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you can be together. It takes a lot more for a marriage to work. Respect, loyalty, trust, comoassion, understanding, forgiveness and compromise are just some of the things you both need in order to make a marriage work.

Never treat a stranger better than your spouse. Your relationship needs to be a priority. Don’t use your spouse as an anger valve.

Talk to each other! If you are upset, tell them why and discuss it. Wanna have kids? Talk about it (preferably before the wedding). Finances, talk about those bitches!!! Talk about retirement 30+ years before you need to. My husband and I have been planning retirement since 1999. Withholding leads to resentment. Resentment has no place in a life long commitment.

Two blankets for your bed. You can thank me later.

Agree about money. Have a conversation about shared checking/separate accounts and where does the money go? Just make sure there are no surprises.

Encourage each other to maintain your separate interests; be OK with occasionally spending time apart. Marriage is sort of like a Venn Diagram: ideally two emotionally healthy people come together, creating & nurturing a separate and distinct third entity, whose success depends on the individual well-being of each partner. It’s worked so far for my SO and me – 15 years.

Just remember that both of you are going to change over the years. In big ways, in small ways. If you want to your marriage to last, you are going to have to fall in love with the “updated” version of your husband (and he with you) over. And over. And over. Sometimes it’s great. And sometimes it’s… not. Just be prepared.

Married 22 years now. Never stop dating her and remember one of the best gifts you can give your future kids is your relationship with your spouse. I have told both my kids that I chose their mother and I had them. I love you, but I will keep choosing her.