You would think etiquette at a big party with your friends and family wouldn’t require so much discussion, and yet every time this subject comes up on bridal message boards, there is story after story of major awkward moments during a wedding.  Luckily, despite having witnessed one or two slightly uncomfortable moments at wedding receptions, Fun DMC hasn’t (so far) experienced anything noteworthy enough to feature here.  And maybe it’s because there’s a lot of nervous energy, or maybe there is family tension, or maybe just too many drinks were pre-gamed, but this is only a small, narrowed down list of the things not to do during a wedding that we curated from the web.

Give a speech in which you make allusions to an attraction/secret relationship between yourself and the bride. Easily the worst wedding speech I’ve ever heard. Just so awkward.

I’m a bartender at a fair amount of weddings and once again last week I saw what I thought was a pretty big faux pas. A female guest wearing a long, white diaphanous dress. For a minute we thought she was actually the bride. Who would think competing with the bride by wearing an “almost” wedding gown is a great idea?

My uncle Rob got married at the same place to two different women about 15 years apart.  My father says “Hey Rob, after the 3rd time do you get your own parking space or something?” The Brides family were not impressed.

RSVP and not show up

Do not bring up the subject of the groom’s ex-wife, especially in a speech. I witnessed a terrible best man’s speech where he basically bashed the groom’s prior marriage and said that he hoped this one turned out better. It was a truly painful speech.

Bring your children if the invite says no children.

Do NOT upstage the bride and groom. While either one of them are speaking, shut your mouth. Your joke isn’t so good that you should ruin their moment. If they’re having their dances, be still. For once, don’t make it about you. Stop, please. Don’t do it.

Get in the photographer’s way, or take your own flash photos during the ceremony.

I’m a divorce attorney. I’ve been told NOT to hand out business cards at weddings.

Propose to your partner. Basically anything that draws attention away from the bride and groom. This is their day and they put a lot of time and money into their wedding day, let them have it.

Ask when it’s your turn to kiss the bride

Grill the bride and groom about when they are having children.  I’m paying for your drinks is it that hard to just say congratulations?!

Weddings are expensive. Like, very expensive. And, venue and catering costs make up the bulk of the cost. If you’re not forking up any cash to help the couple afford their wedding, you should just sit back, relax and enjoy the ceremony. Stop worrying about how long it took to get there, how many times you’ve been there before or how generic that fountain and gazebo might be. You RSVPed, so deal with it.

If its a free bar then you shouldn’t leave half finished drinks everywhere and just get a new one. Your costing your friend thousands of bucks and you wouldn’t be so lazy if you were paying

Wedding sound tech here!  If you are going to be making a speech or reading a list or announcing the dance or anything at all, please please please check the names of anyone you will be talking about.  I have seen people announce the estranged father who isn’t allowed to come for the father daughter dance. I have seen people mix up the bride’s and sister’s name. I have seen people use the ex-wife’s name. I have seen mispronunciations, oh so many.  It takes, at most, five minutes to do, yet so many people don’t do this. For my sake, please check, so I’m not cringing.

When they are exchanging the rings, don’t stand up, dressed as Sauron and say “But they were, all of them, deceived, for another ring was made.” whilst putting on a ring too.