Unfortunately, no matter how perfect a courtship, engagement, ceremony, reception, and anything else, sometimes a dream marriage isn’t always meant to be.  While there are some sad statistics outlining the divorce rate trend in America over the years, we try to keep this blog as upbeat as possible.  With that, a recent forum provided some lighter answers, if you will, of some indications from event professionals and wedding reception professionals that the marriage was not going to last much past the reception.  Some are shocking, some are funny, and luckily Fun DMC hasn’t seen anything even remotely like these stories in our years of doing wedding receptions!

What Was An Indication That The Marriage Isn’t Going To Last

Minister friend did a wedding once where in the vows the woman wouldn’t say “for richer or poorer”. Just kept saying “for richer or richer”. And she wasn’t joking. They didn’t last long.

I had a wedding couple come to see me by appointment to plan the music for their church wedding ceremony. They each brought their respective mothers to the planning session.

Right out of the gate, they started arguing over choices for the Processional. The groom-to-be wanted something to show off the full organ whereas the bride-to-be wanted something smaller scaled and gentle. There was no middle ground, no matter what organ pieces I showed them.

Then, of course, their mothers took sides and further intensified their bickering, even though I asked them politely to let the couple choose their own selections.
In the end, it really wasn’t about the choice of music. It was about a fundamental crack in the foundation of their soon-to-be marriage: an unwillingness to compromise or to even hear what the other was attempting to convey.

Sadly, their marriage ended in divorce in less than 2 years. How they made it that long I’ll never know.

Bride and groom both lovely people, but the grooms mother… at the reception she got so drunk that she leaned over in her chair and just puked on the floor.

She spent the next 2 hours wailing and crying because she (told everybody) thought her son deserved better. As I was packing equipment back into my car, I spotted MIL in the bushes, dress around her head, legs in the air and a group of people trying to get her out. I later found out that she s*** herself at a later point in the evening – and the bride spent time cleaning her up. Didn’t think the marriage would survive with a toxic MIL like that around. Then I saw on social media that the bride and groom moved overseas, far away from their families!

Oh man. The poor bride was 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding, puking regularly. The groom was 3 hours late to the ceremony. By hour 2, he hadn’t even picked up his tux. The venue almost cancelled the reception because the groom’s number was the only contact they had and nobody knew what was going on. He finally showed up and everything went as planned, albeit 3 hours later.

I managed the bars at a sports venue and was the “bar consultant” for our catering department. As you would expect, most of the time we worked during sporting events. Occasionally there’d be a concert. So when the stadium marketing team told us in our weekly meeting that they’d just booked a wedding, we were shocked. We’d never hosted a wedding before, and most of us were unmarried so we didn’t have that much experience with the industry. The marketing team brushed our concerns aside (warning sign #1) and gave us the details for event.

After asking around the office staff, we learn that this is being done as a half favor, half side deal for one of the big corporate sponsors of the team. One of their VP’s son’s is getting married and is a huge fan so he insisted on getting married at the venue (warning sign #2). We have our first meeting with the family and it’s an eye-opening experience. Husband to be is clearly disinterested in the planning, wifey is less than excited about his chosen venue, and MIL (husband’s mom) is a USDA First Class b****.

MIL starts the meeting off by giving us her list of demands for the wedding. She has picked almost everything out from the food to the decor to the place settings. The only thing the bride had input on was the flowers. Myself and the rest of the catering staff are looking over her list and quickly realize that this is going to be pricey. We ask MIL what the budget is for the entire event and she says $10,000. We ask how many people are going to be attending, she tells us there will be 200 guests. This is the exact moment when we realize there is clearly a disconnect between MIL and reality. The Catering Director hesitantly tries to tell MIL that the things she wants and her budget aren’t exactly congruous. We get a haughty, “well other vendors have said they could make it work!” This should have been huge warning sign with neon lights #3.

What follows is months of threats, complaints, and criticism from MIL about everything from our prices (exorbitant), to our policies (ridiculous), to our staff (inexperienced and inept).

Our first step was to give her exactly what she wanted, along with what that would cost. The first proposal included everything she wanted, at a price of about $30,000. Cue the first round of angry emails and phone calls. During this phase she threatened to cancel the event twice (fine with us, we didn’t want or need this event), and went back to the marketing department to complain about how unreasonable we were being.

During the 2nd phase, she had begun climbing down off her previous demands to wheedling and trying to bypass us to bring costs down. First, she didn’t want us to provide any liquor or beer, she’d bring it in (through the corporate sponsors, a beer company). I tell her flat out, no that’s not going to happen. The liquor license is in our name, we are the ONLY providers of alcohol on this property. She can either use us or have no booze at the wedding. She then proceeds to ratchet up her complaining all the way to her husband who talks to his buddies in the front office about “the alcohol problem.” Now we’ve got VP’s and C-level executives getting involved in the nitty-gritty of planning a wedding. Fortunately we’re able to hold our ground on this.

3rd phase of planning gets sad. MIL is still angry about having to downgrade all her plans and sends us a new list of what she wants for the wedding. She has gone 180 the other way and requested the cheapest of everything. Plastic folding tables and chairs, no linen except at the head table, paper plates and napkins for all guests, the cheapest buffet option (basically beans and hot dogs), and so on. We’re in the middle of preparing this new proposal (it would have come in at around ~$8,000), when the bride comes in to meet with us. She is visibly upset and we get the distinct impression that she has had little to no part in planning her own wedding. It turns out her family doesn’t have much money but her fiance’s family is well-off. Her soon to be FIL offered to foot most of the cost of the wedding, but MIL has insisted she be the financial adviser so that the money is used judiciously. The bride was able to pick out her own dress, but that was one of only three things she’d been allowed to have a say in so far. We all feel bad for her, especially since we’d been dealing with the disaster that is her soon-to-be MIL for months now.

The bride makes a few requests and we change the budget to reflect these. The new proposal comes in around $14,000. We don’t hear from MIL, bride, or anyone for 3 weeks. We reach out to marketing to ask them if they’ve heard anything since the actual wedding is 1 month away and if we’re going to do this, we need to start ordering product and arranging things now. They haven’t heard anything either. We sit another week. Finally we get a fax(!) from MIL with the contract signed.

The next 3 weeks suck as MIL is back in full force, trying to get us to make changes to the contract as we refuse repeatedly.

Finally we get to the day of the wedding and technically speaking, it goes off without a hitch. However, it is a s***storm to watch this family party. MIL gets sloppy drunk and alternates between criticizing everything we’re doing and trying to seduce one of the groomsmen. The groom gets absolutely blasted and passes out mid-way through the evening. His groomsmen think it would be hilarious to carry him, unconscious, through the stadium on their shoulders. The bride spends most of the day sitting at the head table, surrounded by her bridesmaids. The happiest I saw her all day was when she had her father-daughter dance.

This wedding was a topic of conversation amongst the staff for years afterward. Occasionally we’d hear updates on the family from the front office. The bride got pregnant soon after, her husband got a job w/Daddy’s company but made the mistake of getting plastered at a company event and making an ass of himself so he’s in flux there.

I’m an Event Manager with a caterer. Pregnant maid of honor told the bride’s sister that the baby is his. She was dead sober, which is what made it so odd that it came out like that. Needless to say we got to go home early that night.

The bride had a father who was mortgaging his home to pay for the wedding. She had been given everything as a child and became accustom to life on a silver platter. She worked for Christian Dior in makeup sales and there for insisted everything must be designer.

She had a destination wedding that lasted a month at a villa in Italy. More that 50 people flew out and she had designer dresses and accessory for every single planned event for an entire month. There were nonstop events planned. She was the star of everything. Her husband was an afterthought and only beckoned for pictures when her personal photographer reminded her that they should take some together.

The extravagance of the wedding put my estimate at 2 years tops. They made it about two years, pregnancy likely playing a big part in the longevity of the 2 year marriage.

The father of the bride ended up living in the spare room of her condo with her and her new husband because the fathers of the bride had a wife that was not the brides mother and the cost of the wedding was so outrageous that they divorced over it. Father of the bride was a sales rep for a medical company, not a millionaire. Bride gives no f***s because every thing is about her and want she wants regardless of who it harms or affects.

Rule of thumb: the more extravagant the wedding, the more likely they are compensating for a hollow relationship.

The night before our wedding, my husband and I were staying at the hotel we would be getting married at the next day. Another couple had gotten married there that night and our room happened to be right next to theirs. The couple had decided to continue the party in their room – blasting music, screaming at their friends from the balcony, and generally making so much noise at such a late time that we called the font desk.

The next night, our own wedding was done. We were hanging out in our room, gorging on leftover cupcakes, and getting ready to go to bed. The couple next to us, it turns out, had decided to stay an extra night. But this time they were screaming at each other. We couldn’t figure out what exactly was going on, but we clearly heard the woman yell, “I can’t talk to you when you have your pouty face.”

Three years later we still use that on each other and it instantly diffuses any argument. I often wonder what happened to them.

My SIL. She announced in front of everyone how her wedding was blessed by God and mine wasn’t because she was married in the Catholic Church and I had a civil ceremony. 7 years later and I’m the only one still married.

We had friends taking bets at our wedding on how long we were going to last. Most of them confessed they bet six months. I couldn’t really blame them, we were together less than a year, just turned 18 and both going into the military.

Worked out though. Celebrating 11 years next month. If only we got all those bets in writing, we’d be rich!

I worked the most amazing wedding ever! The marriage didn’t last 6hours! I was bartending for the reception. Everything seemed pretty typical and standard as guests arrived, drank, and conversed. The wedding party arrived and everything seemed to be completely normal. Everyone was happy, having fun, etc.

When it came time for the formalities, the bar closed and everyone took their seats. The speeches began, with the maid of honor, and best man. Everything was going as per usual for a wedding—until the best man finished his speech and the food began to be served.

The groom grabbed the mic after the best man’s toast and wished everyone a great night and a nice meal.

That’s when s*** hit the fan.

After his well wishes, he asked for the attention of his best man and bride. He told them that he knew they were having sex behind his back for the entirety of the engagement, and that he would be filing for an annulment on Monday. He thanked everyone for coming, and apologized to the father of the bride saying ” I would have called it off weeks ago, but I figured you would be way more pissed at your little princess when you couldn’t get out of the bill for the reception.”
He turned to his wife and said “F*** Y**”, then turned to his best friend and said, “From what I overheard–my d*** is still bigger than yours”

Mic dropped—groom out the door—absolute chaos. Me and my fellow bartender looked on in amazement. We had to go into the kitchen to laugh and high-five.
Edit– Thanks for all the comments! Many of you asked about what happened after. Here ya go.

Fallout:

Bride ran directly to the bathroom both furious and inconsolable, with bridesmaids running after. Mother, aunts, and about 20 other women tried breaking into the bathroom which she apparently locked herself in. She refused to come out until everyone left the facility. She left through a back door with her mother and a few of the brides maids after an hour and a half.

The best man was surrounded by the groomsman in what seemed to be a circular questioning of WTF? He made a run for the door, only to be followed by his parents who had the most saddening look of disgust on their faces. He made it out the door. The groomsman and the majority of the crowd wanted him gone–for obvious reasons. He got in a cab with his family. Apparently his mother was crying from the moment he was outed until they left the facility. He was gone with his family in a matter of minutes. A lot of people were focused on the bride, and the majority of people were still in disbelief. Outside of the embarrassment and the obvious anger from his immediate family–he got off easily.(Though I have no idea what the residual effects were the days following)–I imagine he lost quite a few friends, and the respect of his family.

The Brides father went from complete disbelief–anger–rage–tears, all in a matter of minutes. Nobody would say a word to him. Friends tried to approach and he pushed everyone away. He kept his composure better than most would from what I saw and heard. Just kind of faded to the back and tried to apologize as people gathered their things and left. Weeks later I found out that my boss did give him a big break on the bill. My boss said he felt so terrible, and as much as he hated to lose money—he felt it was the right thing to do.

The crowd was like a group of zombies walking out the door. Quiet whispers and shuffling feet–with looks of horror on their faces. I remember one guy started laughing, and his SO hit him with a purse. That place was cleared out in about 15mins. Bride still waited another hour before she thought she could leave and spare further embarrassment.

Years ago I was a waitress at a fancy restaurant where we regularly had weddings.
One night we had this massive wedding party. His side were one of those families with loads of money but not an ounce of class. Just rowdy, loud and incredibly rude, making sure to let everyone know how rich they were. She was a quiet, shy girl with a small family full of boring mousy types. As the night progressed his family just got drunker and louder as hers hid in the corners, visibly annoyed.

At one stage the groom grabbed the microphone, and did a heavily intoxicated version of Frank Sinatras ‘My Way’ whilst his whole family cheered him on.

Afterwards he turned to his bride and slurred over the speakers: ‘Tonight, we will do it MY WAY, wifey!!!’ and then proceeded to make doggy style thrusting gestures.

The bride flushed bright red, got up and walked out, her mum on her heels. She didn’t come back. The groom stayed and got so trashed his disgusting family had to carry him out at the end of the night.

It was spectacular. They didn’t last long.

I catered weddings for several years, and the subtle sign I always paid attention to was how closely the bride and groom sat next to each other during the speeches, dinner, etc.

The happy couples were always right on top of each other, sharing food, laughing, and just generally chatting. They were in their own world, while the rest of the wedding went on around them.

Other times, the two would be practically on the other side of the table from one another. The groom would spend the whole meal turned away chatting with his groomsmen, while the bride looked the other way staring into space.

Families can be assholes, people get drunk, and nightmares happen, especially as the night progresses, but if you don’t care enough to appreciate the presence of your spouse the very first time you sit down next to them, you have no chance once the real world takes over.

A few years ago I was serving lunch and cocktails poolside at a fancy hotel in Hawaii. Lots of wedding parties, at least 4 or 5 a week during the summer. The bride and her party were having a spa day, and the groom and his men were poolside in a rented cabana. They were hitting on all of us, and on some of the ladies lounging poolside. We kept an eye out in the event we had to cut them off or call security. Later in the afternoon, we noticed the groom and one attendant (there were only 5 total) were not with the rest of the group playing bocce on the lawn. A glance over at their cabana, and I saw it was zipped up completely. At the end of the night when we were cleaning it out, there were 2 condom wrappers (no actual condoms, thank goodness). Whether they were going at it with each other or with a willing not-bride lady or two, I don’t know. But two years later the bride and two of her bridesmaids came back (I remembered her bright red hair) and she didn’t have her ring. It’s not my place to ask, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she found out about the cabana tryst.

I used to play bass in a soul band that occasionally played weddings, so I’m not really in the planning business but I was privy to some s***storm weddings.
The one that sticks out the most wasn’t actually a wedding at all. One Saturday afternoon the keys player and I drive up to a rural Texas town for what we assumed was just another wedding. We arrive at a fairly large church and are told to load in our gear into the gym.

First thing I noticed that was off is the wedding was “Dia de los muertos” themed. It was February. There was a plastic skeleton band at the entrance to the gym. I might still have a picture of it somewhere. We head over to a makeshift stage against the back wall and start setting up. The “bride” comes up to talk to us and she has fake blood all over her dress to go with the theme. She’s in her mid-40s and clearly a huge fan of the band because I recognized her from a few previous shows. She already seemed a little drunk.

So we set up, sound check, and we’re told to leave the area for the “ceremony” and we will have our performance and dinner right afterward. So we hang outside the gym shooting the s*** for about half an hour before we’re told to come back in and play our set. We’re all holding our instruments ready to go when the “bride” steps on stage and takes the mic from the lead singer.

She says she’s sorry the “groom” couldn’t make it to the wedding. Then goes on a long winded rant about how she doesn’t think she’ll actually ever get married, and how thankful she is that her dad was still willing to pay for her to have a wedding anyway. So long story short this woman duped a bunch of people to a fake wedding that her dad paid for. I was sitting there with my mouth open the whole time thinking “what the f*** is going on”. I really wanted to know what happened for the 30 minutes we were sitting outside in the parking lot but I never got a straight answer.

We played the show, people seemed to have an alright time. Ate some food, made some cash. But I never forgot the time I played a fake wedding.