So you’ve finally booked your wedding band for your reception.  They were a little expensive but come highly recommended, so you’re excited about having them lead the entertainment on your special night.  However, two weeks before the wedding, you get this email from their manager:

Hi Bride To Be!  We have a couple who live in your area and are interested in seeing the band play as they also have them booked for their wedding.  Would it be okay with you if they popped in to hear a couple of tunes?  There is no obligation, but they would be very discreet and only stay a short time.

Oh boy.

First, here’s where we stand on it – Fun DMC will never ask you to include anyone at your wedding reception beyond the members of the band and the required technical personnel.  We spend a lot of time and resources making outreaches for our band, including wedding expos, online ads, our web presence, and word of mouth.  When we arrive at a wedding, your expectations should be that we are there to lead the evening’s entertainment, not trying to score another gig.

However, it seems like people have mixed opinions about this.  On one hand, why not help the band out?  It won’t hurt anything.  On the other hand, you’ve paid A LOT of money for this wedding reception.  Why would you want strangers at it?  We found some other examples online of this situation coming up and thought we would share some other opinions:

Is It Okay For The Band To Invite Guests To Your Wedding?

Absolutely it’s weird. This is your wedding, not some public performance to promote the band. I believe it’s even a bit disrespectful to even ask that, since you’re paying for it and all.

Not cool, not ok. That said,i’d be tempted to negotiate a discount on the band. If your tolerance of them attending is whats going to help secure a deal for another expensive event then you should get a discount for the trouble. You paid for them to be exclusively yours for the day if you’re not getting that, get money off.

Your wedding is not a trade fair or an exhibition. you bought a service and that stands alone!
What if the catering company did the same? Or the venue? If the couple in question have to go to such lengths to make sure this band is for them (and there’s a gazillion other ways to do that anyway) maybe it’s not for them.  You shouldn’t think twice.

This is totally normal in my experience. Where else are other couples going to have a chance to see the band perform in order to decide if they are the right band for the wedding? Of course there’s video, that’s easy these days, but there’s nothing like really getting the vibe of the live performance. In my experience it’s not like they bring other couples in in a way that is distracting at all. If they do it right you won’t even know they were there.

I could see how this is the best way to self-promote, but I think it is extremely unprofessional. At least offer a discount or something, because if I’m paying for you to play my event, I’m not expecting to be paying for some randoms to come “check it out”.  also apply this to any other vendor: “can another couple also come sample the cake?  they’re planning a wedding too and want the full effect of the cake.”  No.

For all of the reception locations we went to look at, we had to go on days when there weren’t events occurring, because someone else had PAID to use the space during that time. If this was the practice of a venue I was considering, I’d book somewhere else.

I am totally aware of what you’re talking about- but when I’m dropping whatever on a day of celebration with my friends and family, you better believe I expect my vendors to be focused on us – not potential future business.   Conversely though, I would never expect or even ask to “look in” on someone else’s special event. It’s not a concert – it’s an intimate day between two people, regardless of whether they have 10 people with them to celebrate it or 500.

I think it depends.  I know that in some countries, it’s totally normal for couples to swing by a random wedding to see the band play. They don’t go for a long time (obviously). I would say they are there for about 10 minutes somewhere in the background where they don’t call a lot of attention to themselves.  That said, it’s totally up to you and what you feel comfortable with.
In my response to them I would make sure that, if they do come, they know that they are to be inconspicuous (dressed appropriately, ie., not in shorts), there for not more than 10 minutes, and just to not call attention to themselves.
If you don’t want them to come, a “Sorry, we’re not quite comfortable with this situation as we’re not 100% guaranteed of how this couple will behave” is totally sufficient.

This is weird, weird, weird. If they want to show their stuff to other couples, perhaps they could get some video recorded. There is no way I would let strangers “pop in” to my wedding, and there is also no way I would ever expect (or even ask!) to “pop in” to someone else’s wedding.  If you are considering doing this, I’d at least be asking for a discount!

I don’t know.  I get it. I wouldn’t want to allow it, but it wouldn’t make me upset that they asked.  I’d say something like, “My finacee and I considered your request but decided it’s important to us that only friends, family, and hired vendors are at the wedding location on the big day. We appreciate your understanding!”  Definitely leave all the money stuff out of it. I don’t really see what that has to do with it unless they were doing this for you for free in exchange for advertising.

I very much understand why you’d want to nip this idea in the bud, it can feel strangely intrusive to just have some people pop in to peek at an event you’ve been pouring your heart and soul into.  On the other hand, I really understand the band’s impulse to want to show off their work to potential clients and that can be difficult because a lot of that hinges on the live experience (okay there’s video and showcases, but that’s not quite the same).

I don’t know if this is something someone else mentioned, but if you are thinking of giving the OK, you may want to check with your caterer to make sure these people aren’t counted as additional people at the wedding.